Feel Good Guide: How to Deal With Unrequited Love

By Rachel Burt

Edited by Jessica Miller

Some say “one-sided love is better than none, but just like a fruit, it is likely to mold or grow hard sooner or later." One sided love, or as it is commonly referred to as "unrequited love," is love that is not reciprocated. So, how do we deal with the pain of unrequited love? Sit and let the emotional distress chew us up or move on and blossom? I think the choice is clear: the latter, of course!

The Timeless Tale of Unrequited Love:
 Great Expectations (novel turned film)

Let me give you some tips on how to fight back and take control of your life but first here are some feel good studies...

Feel Good Studies: 

"We rarely hear about the agony of those who are the target of an unwanted love," said Dr. Roy Baumeister, a psychologist at Case Western Reserve University. "Literature and film almost always tell the story from the viewpoint of the rejected lover. But both rejecters and would-be lovers can end up feeling like victims." Thus, keep in mind that the pain is not one sided; instead, unhappiness and unpleasant emotions are experienced by those who had been pursued.  

How to Defeat the Unrequited Love Battle: 

Most of us have gone through unrequited love whether it was during childhood or adulthood. Fortunately, unrequited love is not as tragic as the movies or novels portray it, and there are plenty of ways to defeat unrequited love. I will share some of my tips with you...

1. No one is irreplaceable. There are over seven billion people in this world, and there is bound to be more than one person who is nearly a perfect match for you. If one person does not reciprocate the feeling, move on. Remove that person from the pedestal; everyone's sh*t smells, pardon my French. You have the power; take control of your thoughts. 

Decide: Which One Are You? 

2. Cut off communications. I have been in countless of situations, where I spend a lot of time with a guy because I am lonely, and I am aware that he is in my company because he is in love with me. While I know the situation is unfair, i.e., I am misleading and teasing him, I continue inviting him to hang out.  Men (and women): you have every right to cut off communication and move on with your life. Do not take it personally, we are human after all and do make numerous mistakes. 

3. Get busy living. An idle mind can take you over and over again to that one person who is not interested in you romantically. Throw your focus on a new passion. There are many activities that give us pure satisfaction: being fit, healing our mind with meditation, traveling, painting, etc. My personal favorite: fitness/beauty, meditation and work. In another words, work on being the best version of yourself on the inside and the outside, i.e., spiritually and physically. You will notice there is nothing more attractive than a person who is busy enjoying life rather than lamenting on one single person. 

Meditation and Beauty Rituals 

4. Date. Date. There is an idiom that says "fight fire with fire"; in another words, respond by replacing the object of your affection with another object of your affection--a better version who sees you as the world! Release your free spirit and talk to as many romantic interests as you please.

5. Do not take yourself too seriously. Have fun with dating: flirt, smile and laugh. Have fun while pursuing your hobbies. Laugh at yourself and laugh with your friends. Remember, we all make mistakes, you and me including, and it okay because we are human after all. 

6. Let go. There is a Chinese proverb that says "once you let go, you are in total control." Whatever you do, do not mentally allow yourself to become bitter because of an undesired outcome. Let bygones be bygones. Trust life that it was a blessing in disguise. 

My Mental State: This is NOT Love

Now take a deep breath and smile because a bigger, better, and brighter future awaits you. Remember  you lost nothing because...

"You never lose by loving. You always lose by holding back." -Anonymous