By Sarah Baker
When is a good time to move in together? That may be the question on your mind. Maybe you’ve been with your significant other for quite some time or maybe it’s not been so long, either way, there are some ways that you can know if it’s the right time for you.
2. You spend most nights together anyway. If you want to be with each other all the time and are regularly sleeping at each other’s places, have clothes and toiletries there, and spend most of your time together, it shows that you can actually stand being together for multiple days at a time and that you might be ready to take the next step.
3. You want the same things from the relationship and have discussed expectations. Make sure that you aren’t moving in together with different expectations. It’s important to make sure that one of you isn’t expecting marriage to come out of it while the other has no interest. Also, are you going to have dinner together every night? How will you split the cooking, cleaning, etc.?
*This wasn’t discussed between my boyfriend and myself before we moved in together. It would have been nice if we did because I would know that he isn’t going to be ready to get married any time soon, nor does he know if he wants to marry me. We also have very many fights about cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc. He feels like I should do it all and doesn’t like to help out. This is definitely something I wish I would have known ahead of time.
4. You’ve fought and worked it out. If you can’t fight, work it out, and move on, then you’re probably not ready to move in together.
5. You’ve survived vacationing together. Taking a week-long vacation together is like a mini adventure in living together. Vacations help to see if you can stand being with someone non-stop for 7 days, if you can do that, you might be ready to move in together.
*This is something that my boyfriend and I never did and actually still haven’t done.
6. You’re ready to sacrifice some independence. Living together means that you have to share. This is hard for some people. It also means that you may have to check in with someone else and check with them before making plans. If you aren’t ready for this, then you probably aren’t ready to move in together. You also need to make sure that you are ready to give up every Friday night with your friends. You will need to spend time with each other’s friends as well as with just the two of you, causing you to have less time with your own friends.
*This is actually one thing that my boyfriend and I do well, for the most part. Checking in with each other and checking with each other before making plans happens most of the time. As well, we didn’t really have a hard time sharing our living spaces.
7. You can communicate openly and honestly, you don’t ignore your problems, you really listen to each other, and having a mutual understanding and respect. Communication, honesty, and listening are important in any relationship, but they are extra important when you are living with someone. If you can’t communicate it will lead to some very tense and frustrating moments at home. Respect is also extremely important in any relationship. If you can make compromises and listen as well as respect all of each other’s quirks, preferences, tastes and decisions, then you are probably ready to take that step.
*This is an issue my boyfriend and I have. Listening, respect, compromise, it doesn’t come easy and it’s even harder when you live together. Communication and listening is a hard thing for us, or I should say him. He easily tunes me out as well as ignores conversations we are having. I have a hard time communicating what I am feeling and thinking.
8. You don’t feel a sense of pressure. No one is telling you it’s time (friends, parents, your partner, yourself). It needs to be something that you are ready to do, pressure free.
9. You’re beyond the honeymoon phase and have been together for a while. Making sure that you actually like each other for more than a few weeks is important. You have to really get to know someone to make sure that it’s a relationship that is going to last and not burn out in a few months.
*My boyfriend and I moved in together after less than a year. I definitely think that we were not ready for it. He lived over an hour away and we wanted to be able to see each other more and without using so much gas, so he just moved in with me. If we had spent more time living apart, I’m not sure if we would be living together now.
10. It’s not about money, you can support yourselves. It’s important not to make the decision to move in together just because one or both of you is financially unstable. It could make you rush into it as well as cause more problems down the road.
*My boyfriend and I moved in together partially because I had to kick my roommate out because they weren’t paying rent and I couldn’t afford the place on my own. Because of this, we may have rushed into things.
11. You know each other’s friends and family. If you haven’t introduced each other to friends and family, then you probably are serious enough to take the step of moving in together.
12. Mutual understanding and respect. Going hand in hand with this is listening. Respect and listening is extremely important in any relationship. If you can make compromises and listen as well as respect all of each other’s quirks, preferences, tastes and decisions, then you are probably ready to take that step.
*This is an issue my boyfriend and I have. Listening, respect, compromise, it doesn’t come easy and it’s even harder when you live together.
Some Helpful Tips when it comes to Moving in Together
1. Your relationship will change.
2. You’re sex life will change.
3. Make sure that you share the responsibility when it comes to cooking, cleaning, laundry, etc.
4. You will be introduced to bad habits and smells that were kept from you. You have to be aware that things that you used to do it private and they used to do in private are mostly going to be out in the open since privacy is lacking.
5. Make sure you spend time apart. Make plans with your friends or spend some time alone. Spending 24/7 with someone isn’t good for you. You need to make sure that you keep some of your independence and do things that make you, you.
6. Grow and learn together.
7. Make it your own place-even just a room or small space. Bringing some of you to the place is good for both of you. My boyfriend has a “man-cave,” somewhere that I don’t go into. He puts all his deer heads, fishing and hunting gear and other such stuff in there and is free to decorate it as he pleases.
8. Don’t reveal everything at once, keeps some privacy and mystery in the relationship. There is no need to reveal everything at once and make your significant other question moving in together.
9. Respect each other’s space.
Making your Decision
Moving in together is a big decision. You need to consider all of these things and then some depending on your own relationship when making your decision. You need to make sure that you are moving in together for all the right reasons and not because it’s convenient in many ways. My boyfriend and I didn’t really match any of the above topics, however, we have lived together for about a year and a half. Our reasons for moving in together were definitely more to do with convenience with money and distance but he also lost a close friend in a car accident and we decided that we didn’t want to be apart. Given that, remember that these are just some helpful tips to help you make the decision.
|Sarah Jessica Parker and Matthew Broderick Photographed for the August Issue of Vogue (2011) by Mario Testino|