Why Men Pay For Prostitutes

By Lizbeth Perez

Generation WhY…Why Some Men Pay For Sex

Until I began researching this article, I had always been of the mindset that any man who paid for sex was either a pervert or so unattractive or flawed that a prostitute was really the only way he would otherwise be able to get any action. But then I thought, do guys ever really get sex for free? The simple answer is "no"; there's always some price to pay, no matter how big or small.

But I digress. 

A statistic from LiveScience states that the demographic that was highest in claiming to having had paid for sex (21%) was men who had served in the military. This statistic actually ignited a memory that had at one point been long forgotten from my days in the military. Many of the men who were stationed with me on my ship made it a point to visit each country’s local brothel upon our arrival into a new port. Unfortunately, many of the men that actually frequented these “clubs” (as they are commonly referred to in most countries overseas) ended up having to frequent medical, which was where I worked, just as often to get treated for certain “ailments.” 

One such patient that I remember was a young, very good looking and very married man that I had interacted with many times. As he sat in the office recounting his escapade the night before and the reason he was there, he had an embarrassed, yet at the same time accomplished, smirk on his face. He told me how it was the most amazing experience he had ever had sexually.

"Why?" I asked trying to understand his motives better, "Why did you pay some random woman who cares nothing for you to keep you company and get you off, especially since you have a loving caring wife waiting for you at home?" 

"Because," he replied, "she brings no emotional baggage; I don't have to listen to her, hold a conversation or participate in small talk. But, best of all, she can give most porn stars a run for their money in the sack. And all I had to do was give up a few bucks. Not a bad investment, right?"

Following his explanation I can honestly say that I still couldn’t understand why he did it. Now, almost ten years later, I still don’t. This is why I decided to ask some of the men I know in my life about not just their opinions on prostitution, but whether or not they would ever pay a woman for sex or what they thought of men who had. 

The responses I got, were not exactly what I expected…

Some men made it clear that they would never pay a woman for straight out sex, others freely admitted that, among other reasons, paying for it is far easier than having to play the meet and greet, and guaranteed them to get the outcome that they ultimately wanted. 

Wes, a 22-year-old call center representative, told me he could never be with a prostitute. “Yeah, it’s easy sex but that’s all it is. I’ve never even had a one-night stand because I feel like I need to know the woman I’m with on some level before I have sex. If I were to go to a prostitute, the only thing I’m sure to know is that she does it for money. That just isn’t something I want…”

I honestly thought that most men I’d pose these questions to would give me similar responses. But, he was surprisingly enough, the only man who thought that way. In fact all of the other men that I interviewed either found nothing wrong with the idea of paying for sex or admitted to having sex with prostitutes before. 

One such shocking example was my boyfriend, who admitted to me that he had been with a prostitute while living overseas.

“It wasn’t my idea. It was my cousin’s actually. I went along because it was something he really wanted to do. I didn’t plan on even doing anything. Next thing I know, he tells me to pick out a girl and that he had already taken care of it monetarily. I didn’t want him to waste his money, so I went along with it. Don’t get me wrong though, the woman was beautiful, but even so, let’s just say he pretty much ended up wasting his money anyway…”

Interestingly enough, this particular confession didn’t come out easy or even right away. My boyfriend’s first response was one of total denial and how he would never willingly pay for sex with any woman; he even came out with a laundry list of reasons why he wouldn’t do it. It wasn’t until he overheard another man tell me about his experience (and how he had very willingly paid for sex more than once) that he “remembered” this interaction he had such a long time ago.

This was another common theme. Out of all the men who admitted to having visited a prostitute at some point, all experienced large amounts of guilt and all stated that they would never do it again. Many of these men who claimed to have vowed to never again visit a prostitute after their first encounter, admitted that even though they had said that, they continued to do so even though they felt horrible about it.

One man explained the conflict he has with himself as follows: “It feels dirty when you’re done. It’s like, why did I do this…did I really think it’d be different than the last time? I mean yes, it satisfies a need that every man has and honestly sometimes masturbation just doesn’t cut it. What else can I do?” 

Even after hearing all these different angles on why a man would want to visit a prostitute, or why they have at some point, I still don’t get it. Maybe it’s because I’m a woman or maybe it has to do with the fact that I’m old fashioned and believe that there should be more than a physical connection for sex to be good. Overall, I really believe that the idea of being loved by another human being is a feeling that can’t compare to “getting off” by paying someone. And though some men might beg to differ, there’s a reason we all ultimately pair off and wind up in a relationship of some sort in the end; and no boys it’s not because us women make you…