4 Ways to Leave Your Relationship

By Rachel Burt 

You are in the passenger's seat on the way to another fancy dinner date. Everything seems perfect, you are wearing a pretty little black dress and he looks good and smells fresh...except you feel empty. You have nothing to say to one another; so, this makes it the perfect occasion to turn-up the radio and sit in silence for the entire drive. 

Arriving at the restaurant, he opens the door for you, and you abruptly walk out. You forget to even say thank you.  As you sit and eat dinner together, you are more focused on how amazing the food tastes, what martini to order, and what is next for desert than on him. You are looking around at all the other tables wondering what others have ordered. As you look up, you notice you did not hear a word he was saying. 

"What happened?" you rashly think to yourself.  Then you realize, you are not in love anymore and that is what is happening. This once exciting, interesting and passionate relationship is now nothing but a programmed ritual and a comfort pillow to rest your head at night. What is next? You have to walk away and leave him; if you do not, and you stay because of pity or because of comfort, the apartment you share becomes one of the loneliest places on earth.

Without further ado, here are 4 ways to leave your lover: 

(1) Break the news gently.

One of the best ways to say to someone that he/she has flaws is by paying sincere compliments to that person first Talk about the amazing moments you shared; be sincere and let him/her know that you are greatful for the memories. Remind your partner what you love the best about him/her and then gently letting him down. This tactic helps to strengthen your soon to be ex partner's confidence and ease into the break-up discussion.

“Sometimes your friends are your lovers, or have been at one time.” ― Stephanie Seymour

(2) Leave the past behind: let bygones be bygones. 

Saying goodbye means leaving your past behind. You are ending one chapter of your life to walk into a different one. The past is already determined but the future is now open, unpredictable, and full of options. You must consciously make a decision to part with the past, and let the present define you.

(3) Vanish.

Fly away solo and make a decision not to keep running back to your ex. It is time to head in the opposite direction; move out, go to graduate school, go to your aunt Lisa’s beach house in California or take that job in Chicago you could not commit to before. By leaving, you are unlocking a whole new world and giving yourself (and your ex) the freedom to explore and break the old habits. 



For me, I had broken up with my boyfriend and left a couple months later to volunteer abroad, very far away. This gave me a chance to see the world and gain a whole new perspective. I could face life on my own. I not only lost all interest, my old relationship did not even seem to cross my mind anymore.

(4) Erase your partner from your life.

A friend of mine had broken-up with her ex about 10 years ago but they still work together. The two are constantly in the same space, and this has caused their roller coaster relationship to linger on, i.e., the two are not together but never really separated. Lesson learned: move physically away from your ex.

The only way you will fully move-on is by completely eliminating your ex from your life. Erase his/her phone number, de-friend him/her from Facebook, un-follow them from Instagram, and even find a new group of friends. Stop the gossip, and distance yourself from everything that reminds you of your ex. I say remove yourself from everything that reminds you of him/her because no matter what, you are still emotionally attached immediately after the break-up.

As for the aftermath when you said your goodbyes, here are several suggestions on how to deal with the pain and the loneliness. Most people feel a sense of loss, confused and even lethargic. So, what is a girl (or a guy) to do? 

(1) Stay busy.

Keep your mind occupied; an idle mind wonders. Hence, find activities that occupy your time and thoughts. Tackle new hobbies, catch-up with old friends, take a painting class, and/or travel. Most of your discomfort and dissatisfaction with the relationship probably happened before the breakup; so, now that you have already let out all the tears and rage, it is time to have fun!

(2) Get fit.

When you look good, you feel good. Get up, dress-up, show-up and do not ever give up! By focusing on a goal and self-improvment, you will start to feel like you are re-gaining control, and your confidence and satisfaction will boost. Do not forget the fact that you will be looking better than ever so when Mr./Ms. Right walks into your life, you will be ready.

(3) Don’t be scared to fall in love with someone else again.

Remember when the two of you first met: butterflies in your stomach and the picnics in the park. One date turned into another, which then turned into meeting the parents and eventually moving-in together. So, he was not the one...Go ahead, and do not be afraid to do it all over again. If you do believe in fate, well maybe this relationship was leading you to your real love. You had to have gone through this heart ache  to get where you need to be; so, walk with it girl!

Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie both of whom were married before finding each other

A common meaning of loneliness is when a romantic relationship does not fulfill a person's need to be in a socially rewarding relationship. Indeed, walking away from someone you were once in love with is not easy. However, the truth is you can feel much lonelier when physically together with someone with whom you have no meaningful connection. If you are feeling lonely while in a relationship, this is your clue to disconnect with that person and reconnect socially with the rest of the world!  

Dream. Discover. Explore.