By Sarah Baker
I’ve been doing a lot of relationship soul searching lately. Mainly to try to figure out why my past relationships have failed and how to not lose a guy. Making a list of all the things that went wrong, I realized that some have been my doing and some theirs, but all resulted in relationship fails. I decided to share the mistakes with all of you so that you all might not make some of the same mistakes that I have been privy to. Here are the top 10 relationship tips on how to keep around the one you love...
1. Being non-committal
Not willing to commit to a relationship is a quick way to lose someone. I’ve dated a couple guys who want to “hang out” and “date” but don’t want to “define the relationship.” I’m actually guilty of doing this once myself. It’s really never a good idea if you’re actually interested in someone.
2. Putting other people and things first
I’m not saying that your significant other should be the absolute most important thing in your life, but they should be ranked pretty high up there. Constantly putting other people and things first can really hurt a relationship. I had an ex who would constantly leave me to go do tasks for his mother, like getting a gallon of milk right away because she was out and didn’t want to go out and get some.
3. Being too clingy
Constantly texting and calling and needing to be with your significant other can be endearing at first, but after a while, it can get annoying. I have a friend who, as soon as someone starts to get clingy, she bolts.
4. Being too unavailable
Everyone knows that guys seem to like a little of a “chase” but too much of a chase and they lose interest. I dated a guy, twice, who was like this. The first round, I would text him and try to hang out fairly often. This resulted in him eventually ignoring me and losing interest. Round two went a lot differently. Given how it went the first time, I decided to play a little “hard to get.” This went well at first. He would text me daily and ask about my day. Apparently, I played a little too hard to get because he lost interest.
5. Lies and cheating
This one is a no brainer. Lying and cheating is a downfall to even some of the strongest and longest relationships. I’ve experienced this as well as watched a lot of people close to me experience it as well.
6. Trusting too much
This goes along with the lying and cheating. Trust is important in a relationship but too much trust can be damaging. Too much trust can lead to cheating and lying. I trusted a guy too much to go out with his guy friends while I was at home sick and he ended up cheating on me.
7. Being jealous and not trusting enough
Jealousy looks good on no one and can effect a relationship. If you can’t trust the person you are with and are jealous of everything and everyone, relationships are effected. I have a lot of guy friends and I can’t deal with guys who are overly jealous and don’t trust me to not cheat with my guy friends.
8. Being flippy floppy on what you want
If you can’t decide what you want out of a relationship or if you want a relationship, then you can’t really have a relationship. I have a friend dealing with this right now. Her guy tells her he loves her but at the same time tells her that he doesn’t want to date her. He keeps sending her crazy mixed signals and she wants to tell him off but loves him too. I get constant calls about her increasing frustration.
9. Constantly talking about your ex
Want to drive a significant other away? Compare them to an ex or talk about an ex constantly. I brought up a crazy ex in a conversation with a guy when things were new and I’m pretty sure I scared him away.
10. Not sharing in your interests
If you have nothing in common or make fun of the things that the other person loves, you’re killing your relationship. In college, I found theatre and fell in love. It was the best thing that happened to me in a long time, but the guy I was with didn’t respect it. In fact, he refused to come to any of my shows and called it “crap.” It was a turning point in our relationship, causing it to end a couple months later.
If you are looking to lose a relationship, any one of these is a surefire way to do so. If you are looking to keep a relationship, my relationship tip is avoiding doing any of these things. You can also read more on 6 steps to make them fall in love. Relationships are work and a lot of trial and error. Remember that you can’t lose something you didn’t have and if you don’t have it, you have to work for it.