Stop Comparing Yourself to Others: Some Helpful Tips on How to Focus on You

By Sarah Baker

There are millions upon millions of people in the world, all of whom are different, all of whom are unique, yet a lot of us focus on what someone else has that we don’t and are constantly comparing ourselves to others. We compare ourselves for a number of reasons, mostly of which come from feeling insecure, inferior, and inadequate. I am extremely guilty of this. 

My comparing usually comes in the form of my siblings. Coming from a big family, I feel like I’m always comparing and always competing.  This one is married with a kid, this one is making more money, this one is more athletic, this one is prettier, etc. I am also guilty of looking at other people, whether I know them or not, and their careers, families, and looks and comparing them to what I have.

Social Media’s Role:

With the influence of social media, we can see people who we may not have seen otherwise. We can keep track of old classmates, friends, and co-workers. The age of social media has really hindered our self-esteem. It allows us to compare our success to the success of others. Through Facebook, we can see what everyone is doing, how happy they are, and all their success. What we don’t see is the bad things, people mostly post about all the good in their lives, which causes us to compare our bad with their good. Through Instagram, we can see pictures of people who, thanks to the magic of editing, look perfect and flawless, which causes us to think that we just don’t look that good. Through Pinterest, we can see people who seem crafty, successful, ambitious, fashion forward, and great chefs, among others, based on what they pin. We don’t actually know if they do or wear any of the things that they pin, we just immediately jump to the conclusion that they are better than us.

If you are ready to stop comparing yourself to others but don’t know how, here are some helpful tips:

1.     Focus on the positives. Think about what you can do now that you couldn’t do before and focus on the positives and what you have in life instead of the negatives and what you don’t have.
2.     Set goals and work towards them. Unhappy about your career, education, weight, etc.? Set a goal for yourself and keep up with it. Hold yourself accountable, not other people.

3.     Everyone is unique. Remember that everyone is different and that’s ok. If everyone was the same, life would be boring.

4.     Someone wants to be you. Out there, someone, somewhere wishes they were you.

5.     Focus on your strengths. We always compare our worst to their best. Just stop and focus on your best alone.

6.       Stop comparing yourself to others. Think about all the time you waste comparing yourself to others. It makes you resent yourself and others. It distracts you from the good things. Instead, use that time to focus on you.

7.      Why do you compare? Try to catch yourself when you are comparing and think about why you are doing it. Find the reason and work on it.

8.    Distract yourself. If you are comparing yourself, leave the situation, and focus on yourself.

9.     Change what doesn't make you happy. Change anything that doesn’t make you happy and center your life around what is right for you.

10.  Stop the jealousy. Remember that jealousy looks good on no one and that the grass is not always greener on the other side.

11.  Gratitude. Be happy with what you have, you don’t know anyone else’s story but your own.

12.  Accomplishments. Be proud of you and all you’ve accomplished. What do you get complemented on? Focus on that.

By remembering these things, we can slowly stop focusing on and comparing ourselves to others. It will not happen overnight, but with time, we can do it. Try picking on thing at a time from the list and focusing on it. Try focusing on “the 3 G’s.” These would be gratitude, generosity, and growth/goals. Try being grateful for what you have and focus on that instead of dwelling on what you don’t. Donate your time and energy to effect someone else’s well-being. Set goals and watch yourself grow. This will help to nurture your emotions and health. Remember that nobody compares to you so stop comparing yourself to them.