Advice for Men: How to Avoid the “Friend-Zone”

By Darlene Vazquetelles

Edited by Therese Mulgrew

"You are like a brother to me.”  "You are such a great friend.” "Any girl would be lucky to have a great guy like you beside her.” If you have heard this before, there is a great possibility that you have fallen into what is known as the FRIEND ZONE.  You have entered a place where the girl is happy to have you around as a companion she can talk, shop, and gossip with.  There is nothing wrong with this, unless you have romantic feelings for her.  Here are some tips on how to steer clear of the friend zone.

WHAT TO AVOID:

Getting TOO close:  Spending too much time with her and becoming her "buddy" could be a deal breaker.  Be careful about how time with her is spent. Do not do too many favors for her and or be overly nice expecting her to like you.  It takes more than that. Have your own friends.  Don't make yourself so available all of the time.  Make your own plans without her.

RELATIONSHIP ADVICE:  You can be her friend and listen to her but once she starts asking for advice on dating, love, and other men, you are in deep trouble. Becoming her confidant in this aspect is not really a favorable circumstance when you are trying to have another type of relationship with her.  Remember, you are not "one of the girls.”

WHAT YOU SHOULD DO:

TOUCH:  This may sound creepy but it is not.  Let me explain.  If you touch her in a sensual way she will know that you are flirting and that your intentions are more than to be just friends.  A simple touch to her lower back when you are walking or leading her way. Lightly touching her arm, face, hands, and one of my favorites, HUGS, are examples of ways you can get closer.

HONESTY:  Take the risk and be honest about how you feel about her.  Do not be afraid of being rejected and losing her as a friend.  We often wonder about the intentions a guy friend has for us.  The best is to keep your intentions up front so that you don't beat around the bush – take a risk and put your feelings out there.  Establish that you like her.  Tell her that you want more than a friendship and when you both go out make your outings a "DATE" by using the actual word.  If she does not reciprocate the feelings, at least you know before you fall further into love with her.  On that note, you should also be honest with yourself.

             Know when to walk away. Listening to her venting about other men out there will only make it worse for you. You will become frustrated, jealous, and bitter.  This is when you have to ask yourself the following:  Am I willing to put myself through this pain?  

Don't stick around being her platonic friend, waiting to see if she changes her mind.  As I stated earlier, do your own thing. Start treating her as an acquaintance.  Make room for someone in your life and heart that feels the same way about you.  Also, be careful falling into the cat and mouse game. Sometimes people want what they can't have.  Once you back up, she might miss having you around and come to you to only leave you again.  Think about your feelings first, second, and third. 

            
It is not easy getting trapped in the friend zone.  At one point or another, we have all been there. Yes, it happens to women as well.  The way you handle it could go a long way and change the course of your relationship. But remember, whatever the outcome, the most important thing is to stay true to yourself. 

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